Ok lads. So you’ve made it to Singapore and had a few drinks, explored the pickings, and have just chosen your pick of the litter – one question SHOULD come into your head… “could this be a ladyboy?”

Many first time tourists head out on their own, or with their tourist buddies and proceed to pick up a hot woman at the local nightclub - only to realise that the hot she is a hot he.

As a newbie, I have been wondering if you can truly recognize a ladyboy. Prior to coming to Singapore and Thailand, I had heard little about the phenomenon that is THE LADYBOY. I found it interesting, and bizarre that guys could look so hot. What the?!? So just how can you tell if it is a ladyboy or not? I would hate for my first time (or any time) to be with a ladyboy. Those with experience and exposure need to chime in and help the newbies. Dammit!

HOPEFULLY BY THE TIME WE ARE DONE HERE, THIS WILL BE A FOOLS GUIDE TO LADYBOYS.Obvious:

These are things to look for, but doesn’t always mean it‘s a ladyboy — it could just be one ugly woman. Sorry Mum:

1. The bulge in her sexy bikini bottom. Duh.
2. Her receding hairline, and I am not talking about down below.
3. A larger than normal head ie ‘horse head’
4. A larger than normal nose ie. Jerry Sienfield
5. Taller than normal ie. Shaq
6. A large protruding eyebrow area. What’s this called — a brow line? ie. caveman
7. An Adam’s apple.
8. Large, but pretty manly hands.
9. Large feet, although with high heels it is difficult for me to tell if the feet are large. Starting to think my maid is a ladyboy considering her feet.
10. A voice like Darth Vader. “Hansum man, I am your father”. Related to #7
11. A laugh like Herman Munster. “AR AR AR AR”. Related to #7 #10
12. Stubble. Geez.
13. She uses the urinal next to you. Believe it.
14. When visiting her apartment, the toilet seat is always up. It’s not for the dog!
15. If it looks like a guy, it’s a guy. Hopefully we all know this already, but with beer goggles on we need to be careful. Please, use the force.

Not so obvious:

1. A perfectly proportioned body. To me most of them seem to have nicer curves than your average girl. Sorry.
2. Larger and firmer than normal breast. In other words, implants. No breasts at all.
3. S/he could be the hottest girl in the pack (dogs travel in packs. Sorry). Amazes me how hot they can look.
4. A tendency to play with her hair a lot. Read this somewhere so it must be true.
5. Tend to act overly feminine. I guess this is a way to try to make up for the balls between her legs.
6. I can only imagine that if s/he has had the complete operation between the legs, that it can’t look or feel, like the real product. Anyone want to comment on this? Somebody…. Pleeease!
7. Another possible way of telling if it is a ladyboy: I have been in two ladyboy gogo’s and have noticed that when they sit next to me they put out more heat than a real woman. Just didn’t feel the same. Anyone else notice this? May have to start taking temperatures…could you please bend over or open your mouth real wide, wider, no, a little wider.

So are you now as confused as I am? It doesn’t help that the ladyboys can have operations, to remove, or cover up the tell tail signs.

Other thoughts:

Just ask her. Tsk.

Ok so lets be honest. If you’re really pissed in Singapore or Thailand, and looking to pick up, don’t be a hero. Buy a porno magazine. Seriously.

However if you do decide to run the gauntlet, please be careful. Obviously, duh! If you do run into trouble, don’t get violent, just do what you have to do to deal with it. Call your mummy, brush your teeth, have a long shower (bleach optional), cry, and get back on the horse. Seriously.

Peace y’all and happy spotting